Deay Ray, (a letter...)

by Nanette Bellman

Dear Ray,
Here is your reference guide...to me.  USE IT!
I want to know just what you're thinking.  I want to know what's going in that head of yours and what your intentions are because if you think I'm going to just let you waltz back into my life, you've got a lot to learn and a lot of things coming to you.
You think that you can be with me for a few months, come around once in a while then just stop calling me, stop returning my phone calls, TWICE!!!, and have a chance with me for a THIRD time, right?  WRONG!  You hung me out to dry, twice!  What the hell did I do to deserve to be treated like that?  I've been nothing but nice to you Ray, nothing but good to you.  That was a hell of a thank you.  I am not going to be Ray Michael's hollaback girl, Ray's fall back girl.  When you don't have anything going on, when you're lonely, when you don't have a flavor of the week.  "Oh!  Let's call Nan.  Let's fuck with Nan."  Well...fuck you Ray.
All I've ever asked of you is answers.  Answers to questions that I think I deserve to know.  I want to know why.  Why did you leave me like you did, twice?  And DO NOT pull the age thing on me because you and I both know just how much bullshit that really is.  You are not that much older than me.  Even back then, the age difference was normal.  That's what I thought at least.  But then you go and get that one girl, Rach I believe, who was like 4 years younger than me and there are no issues.  Um, ok?
Oh, and the busy thing, with work...whatever.  I acknowledge the fact that you must work and that work generally does take a majority of people's time, but really, you don't have time for anyone.  That's the reality of it and it sucks.  You're going to work, work, work, your life away and one day, when it's too late, realize all the things you passed up and missed out on.  And I'm not talking about me.
As far as what went wrong with your past relationships, I have my ideas.  I really don't care.  It's none of my business.  I'll think what I want.
It all comes down to this, everyone wants what they can't have.  Tangible, living or whatever.  In all honesty, you used to be my one thing.  Now, I think I'm yours.  Crazy as it sounds because you left me twice.  It hurts to see someone else with something you want.
Ray, when this whole "you and me" thing started, I was young.  I still am.  I have a lot to learn.  One thing I do know already, I'm not the same person now as I was back then.  I've grown and changed.  You need to meet me again because you don't know me and I don't know you.
But, maybe we should keep it that way.


Posted on 10/27/2007
Copyright © 2020 Nanette Bellman

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