I've stayed too long
I should be going home
but it's difficult to leave your side
when we get along so well

I get upset when I can't make every moment
something I can hang from the wall
and when the disappointment lingers
I end up framing the pictures that look
the least like me

I can feel the changes of mood
like a wave of consciousness
fighting against the cocky places we stand from
so quick to retrieve the write off of emotion
without any meaningful conclusion

It's easy to hit the light out
over the possibility of our future,
exhausted from the constant monitoring
of your
my
our
intentions

Sometimes we need
to take a break from words,
from our body explorations
to conserve what energy is left
for tomorrow

And it's strange to think
how these tables have turned
to imagine this is how she felt, at times,
about being with me
when I needed the satisfaction
of distance
in the same bed

I wish I knew then,
how to let her lay where my thoughts lay
to understand what was really going on with me
perhaps I wouldn't feel so responsible

I wish my Mother knew now
who I am outside of her
to understand the man she is still creating in me
perhaps she could be held more accountable

and he wonders why
I am sometimes off
on another planet
trying to extract the worth,
the meaning,
the courage,
to make the right decisions

why I sometimes fear
being alone with what I've done
how I'm trying to learn all over again
to follow my own instincts
and something so simple
as knowing when
to go home,
eludes me.

03/29/2007