As you are reading
keep this in mind:
I can read these words faster than you can.
I can see more deeply into their meaning.

It might also interest you to know
that I typed them more accurately
than you could have
and with slimmer, stronger fingers than yours.

You should likewise be aware
that as I did so
I was sitting with impossibly perfect posture
in a more ergonomically correct chair
than the one upon which you are currently perched.

I really am sorry to have to tell you all of this
(sorrier than you could ever be)

and I understand
that from your point of view
(which I can see more clearly than you can)
this is most likely a crushing bit of news.

But we must face facts
and while I fully understand
that you are nowhere near
as well-equipped to face them as I am

it must be abundantly clear
even to one such as you
(who are are smart, but not as smart as me)

that I am simply better.

In every way.
Really.

If you are short
then I am shorter.

If you are tall
then I am taller.

I always was
and I always will be-

no matter what.
Even if the effort kills me.

In which case
I will be deader
than you could even begin to imagine.

So there.

10/17/2005