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Recognized Rewards
by Mark Maxeyunwanted lessons prevail with persistance
dialogue begins with a pupil
or a friend or a person crossing paths
dialogue
lessons, explanations, frustrated situations
usher in a common bond
paths simular but unique
lessons, explanations, choices to make
in time they come easier
other times they are a dream that can't be awakened
but in time the truth is revealed
today, you my son, have begun another test
maturity is what has initiated
and can be seen in your direction
tho the dialogue has changed
lessons, explanations, frustrated situations
usher in a common bond
paths simular but unique
lessons, explanations, choices to make
today son, the dialogue is insightful
and not inquisitive
but open communication of adults
co-equals on this plane of existance
yes my son, you have matured
and I get to see recognized rewards
lessons, explanations, frustrated situations
usher in a common bond
paths simular but unique
lessons, explanations, choices to make
11/25/2006 Posted on 11/25/2006
Copyright © 2024 Mark Maxey
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 11/29/06 at 02:00 AM A fascinating look at maturation. Repitition of theme very effective. |
| Posted by Michelle Angelini on 11/29/06 at 03:42 AM I like the idea of the dialogue between mentor and son. I have several suggestions, although they are minor and wouldn't change most of the poem. S1 - persistance = persistence. Also I'm not sure if the word "dialogue" on the last line of this stanza is supposed to signal that the rest of the poem is a dialogue. If so, maybe put S4 & S6 in italics. S4 - delete "you" from the first line, change "maturity is what has initiated
" to "maturity is initiated," making it sound stronger; and change "tho" to "although." S6 - revise these lines slightly - "today son, the dialogue is insightful/and not inquisitive
but open communication of adults/
co-equals on this plane of existance" to read "today son, the dialogue is insightful,/not inquisitive, (delete and)/but open communication of co-equal adults/on this plane of existence..."
I have a tendency to revise prepositional phrases (not all of them) to adjective phrases, it makes them stronger. I can visualize the friend, mentor, father, (whoever) talking to the son and the son responding with love. My suggestions are just that - take what you need and leave the rest. Glad you're back and writing again.
~Chelle~ |
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