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The Sun? V.2
by David NeubauerYou, my dearest heart, are my Sun.
You brighten my day, you light up my nights,
to be near you is to be warm, and to know you
is to be joy-filled.
And sometimes in life, the Sun sets.
And sometimes, the world gets cold,
and all looks bleak. But sometimes,
I need to have faith that the sun will
rise again. It has to, sometime...
I can't fathom your perfections,
the things that keep me,
blinded in this ray of love.
Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh.
Your kiss,
So many countless things
that I might wither without.
And of the imperfections, while there are a few
Those are our challenges; I believe in you
A whimsical hope, an ephemeral dream,
that's all that I can hold on to for now.
For how can one hope to reach out to the Sun?
But
one day, maybe
all my dreams can come true,
basking, illuminated, warm and
pure...
And you can have your fantasies,
and eat your cake, too.
So if roses be red, and violets are blue...
I know that love can be strong, unwavering,
that clouds burn off, haze overcome,
and adversity will fail. I have faith
that the sun will shine through. 10/29/2006 Author's Note: Attempt at rewriting. HELP ME QUICK! :p
Posted on 10/29/2006
Copyright © 2024 David Neubauer
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by William Simpson on 11/01/06 at 03:27 AM Lightly looking at love through young eyes seems ever to give this illusion: not that love can be had, but be kept; for in the keeping does it ever deepen, intensify, and ultimately fade and set; its beauty and longing much the memory of a warm summer day. |
| Posted by Arthur Parten on 11/16/06 at 09:11 AM I used to use the term "dear heart" often as well. I picked it up from my grandmother. It's my favorite expression in that vein. The capitalization of Sun is a good idea, I think. I suggest you eliminate the ellipsis in S2; in my opinion, doing so would strengthen the declaration of that sentence. You might also want to reconsider the phrase "ray of love". A ray just doesn't seem to cut it with what you're going for here.
Whatever you do, keep the playfulness in the last couple of stanzas. I thought that was the best part of the poem. It managed to illustrate well what I saw as almost a giddiness brought about by the feelings. It was fun to read, too.
Thanks for pointing this out to me. I really enjoyed this poem. Guess I'm gonna have to keep that quiet if I'm to keep my status as most cynical person on the site. |
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