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Hell and Back Again.
by Christopher ShinBurning blistering youth
and how I wonder when the fire
of despair first grew.
How I sit churning and staring
at the lovely bouquet swirls in
with crimson contemplation.
What if I told you that I drank
a bottle of the blood of grapes
only to awaken in hell.
How odd it would be to feel
the burning in my heart
only to find my soul far gone.
I so wish you would understand
how the ancient history of my
life burns in my eyes but
can hardly be reflected in my
skin.
You would say that I was naive,
but I know very little what
lingers in the mind of you and your own.
I assume you would scoff at my
presumptions of age,
but can only account for a few silver
in my scalp.
How these eyes can see
ages of youth and want
no more of this vile humanity.
How my fate was sealed
when my heart was torn
from my very bosom.
How I begged for redemption,
but only received pity that
was unimportant to my heart.
How I wish you would just
say that you would love me,
but all I get is your scorn.
Let me die some how in
mild consumption,
but knowing my luck.
I shall die of pain. 10/15/2006 Posted on 10/16/2006
Copyright © 2024 Christopher Shin
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Jeffrey Parren on 10/16/06 at 05:44 AM I feel like there is incredible imagery and feeling in this. I enjoy its truth. Couple things to offer as well: Last line of stanza 8, I would remove it, "from my very bosom." feels so cliche. I would also try to keep stanzas the same length, it distracts from the power of the words, wordiness can be the devil... The last stanza and last line you can combine and tighten up, make it a strong finish. I really enjoy your descriptive words and thorough descriptions but sometimes less is more. I feel like this can all be three line stanzas and convey all the feeling you need. First four stanzas strike at my heart, keep up with them and the rest will impress...JPP |
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