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Please! Please!
by Christopher ShinPlease take it away!
Take away the desire
to see the world more than
it should be.
Please take it away!
The broken hearts and
desire to live life
in the arms of another.
Please! Please take it away!
The hopes I have for
dreams to outweigh the
reality of the world.
I do no not understand
why my mind lingers
nor do I comprehend why
it craves to leave a mark.
Don't you see we all fade,
but you want more than
what is physically given to you?
Your father failed,
and yet you are merely a shade
of who he is.
Let it go and
disappear like the rest.
Do not linger over
broken shattered hopes.
Do not think that glue or
hope can bring them together.
Give it up like a mother
at the steps of an orphanage.
Live your life harden
and empty of any life. 10/13/2006 Posted on 10/13/2006
Copyright © 2024 Christopher Shin
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Jeffrey Parren on 10/13/06 at 08:41 PM I like the idea behind this poem, but after reading I find myself searching for more concretes, maybe more of a story to grab onto. Some quick fixes: Line 3 "than" not "then". Lines 5 & 9 should have "it" in between "take" and "away"? Line 11 "out" and "weigh" can be one word - "outweigh". Stanza 4 should end with a period "." Stanza 5 Line 2 "than" not "then". Stanza 5 Line 3 should end with a question mark "?" Not sure about the meaning and the relation to the poem of the last stanza. Eager to see the revisions...JPP |
| Posted by Joan Serratelli on 10/13/06 at 08:54 PM I don't think revisions are needed. I like it the way it is...very thought provoking. Great read. Excellent write! |
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