by Steven Craig

In today’s world, there has emerged only two world wide political isms, which has such great influence on world politics. In the north, there are the capitalist Tricyclist which have a free and floundering economy, joined by many allied Bicyclists under the WHEL, SPOKE and PEDEL treaties.

Just over the disputed equator, the vicious Lollipopists to the south are waging their totalitarian policies with vicious success. They intend to take over the whole world under the leadership of the Supreme Sucker. They are the dedicated enemies of the Tricyclists, and seek to over come all the peoples of the world who won't lick it their way.

Both isms made huge arms commitments to the determent of the other. For some years, there was a severe Pop Gun Gap between the two powers. Secretly, both sides made anti-popguns and anti-anti-popguns. The Tricyclists were even working on an anti-popgun to get their anti-anti-popgun. But due to severe financial restrictions imposed by both houses of Constipation, the Tricyclists were unable to complete the work fast enough before the inevitable occurred . . . WAR!

The Barbie and Kenn States of the Middle Tea Sea attacked the Planters Peanut Plantations on the West Rolo-Bar Islands lying just over the disputed equator. The Lollipopists, always quick with a lick, joined the fray with an assault on the Plantations from their Remco build-it-yourself attack fleet carriers, bought with Tricyclist foreign aid.

the gun-ball bombs scored home on all the targets on the islands and the landing parties were just coming ashore when the Tricyclists struck with there anti-magnetic Marx Beetle Boppers and Ideal atomic bull broadcasting, V-nuclear, Zebra-ray projecting, remote controlled trombones.

The Planters Peanutites attempted to repulse the invasion with Retell Crackfire sewing machines and Remington 48-key Beta-ray Blazer Lasers that attacked and defeated the balsa wood defenses of the dreaded 260 Actions of the Lollipopists. None the less, the Lollipopists destroyed several schools for the mentally retarded along with $1.94 of equipment.

Upon hearing this news, Santa Claus issued a third power Unilateral Declaration of Snow Warfare and attacked everyone with an unmentionable weapon, the Acme ice age forming, road-runner chasing euphonium disguised as a Spanish Dictionary.

Rapidly, both isms attacked this dark threat from the north with atomic spit-balls launched from Amscro ice cream making, rotary press type space stations.

Thus, it was over. Both Isms and the deceased Santa Claus (canonized St. Nick) were destroyed, leaving little to show that they ever existed.

And of the Rolo-Bar Islands, they went on to conquer the world, but found it completely covered with deadly radio-active gum film. So, even the Rolo-Bar Islands, not involved in the actual Ism contest, were to be doomed to the same fate by association.

Thus ends the history of the world.


Author's Note: Remember the Cold War? Doctor Strangelove? Fail Safe? Well, in 1966, there were these ism's....

Posted on 07/23/2006
Copyright © 2024 Steven Craig

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