The cacophonous symphony resounds in my head as I contemplate just who I am and where I am or where I’m supposed to be in the middle of everything that I want to be

And I try to dissolve myself in the substance of my dreams but reality always comes back to bite me between the legs and remind me that amorphous dreams are never enough or substantial

Something always pops and drops out of me in a torrent of confused wanderlust and I hide away in a Blues Brothers cot under blankets of self-pity and mental degradation

The sheep at Wal-Mart think I’m a bitch because all I want to do is get home to you or at least to dream the dreams I have of you but then the dreams fade away in a mudslide of antipathy

So I choke to death those magnetic mind wanderings and lift my breasts to the prospect of something better and cleaner and more satisfying than what I have forced myself to endure for this long

I’m a caffeinated toad wanting to taste something real and beautiful but all you ever wanted was less than what I was willing to give and so I sit on the stovetop to wait like I’ve taught myself to do

And it gets really hot up here.

07/02/2006