I rode the entire distance away from you,
Every window down,
My hair dancing wildly -
The projection of my soul -
Screaming into the abyss of traffic -
The music,
The freedom,
The realization that the dream is dead.
There will be no wake.
(I still wonder why the fire didn't wake us).

I once dreamed of a palace -
The gold
In hearts rich with seed and love,
Pissed away in rage and reason,
Chips and JD.
What was lost can never be rebuilt.
Never.

And I didn't know,
Until my nipples,
Twisted and groped,
Anguished in the objectification
Of who I might be to you,
That I could not breathe it back to life .
Now,
Too late
In a life of sleep
Where there is no room for a wake.

I know that grief is only useful
In the epiphanous flash of a moment.
My eyes are open
And the time stolen from our babies
Cannot build a family -
Now,
Ever.

My path narrows -
Room for only one foot in front of my other,
I cannot go back.
I cannot go back.
The symphony of the water is barely a memory,
Quieted now in the forest of questions;
Rustling whispers in the wind;
The same wind that lifts my hair to dance wildly about,
197 miles away from one more closed door,
Home, alone, at last.

06/28/2006

Posted on 06/28/2006
Copyright © 2024 Alison McKenzie