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IT!!!

by Steven Craig



IT! What other word can so vividly describe the menacing terror that nearly swallowed you as you laid peacefully in the outer worlds of dreams?

IT! What you’d better do before your father comes home with the belt.

Those same fathers of our language needed one word that could be referred to when speaking of anything you wish anytime at all, a word used with other words, in place of other words, to represent a state of being or something undefined or indefinite. Since these word creators vanished without a trace, leaving not one excuse for the use of the letters ‘I’ and ‘T’, not the words original meaning, we are forced to retreat to that great book of specialized confusion ... Webster’s Dictionary.

Webster’s states then that the word ‘IT’ is a pronoun, singular, and neuter, of the third person. Thus, the Dictionary has now stated ‘IT’ is a pronoun, thus relating to nouns when used in a sentence, an idea, a state of being, and other forms of confusion. The word ‘IT’ can’t take the place of a verb, unless the verb is used as a noun, etc. Therefore, the fathers of our language did not succeed in what is thought to be the reason for the creation of ‘IT’, unless ‘IT’ was meant to mean a pronoun, singular, and neuter, of the third person. Let us assume so.

Webster’s first definition is, in part, ‘... a substitute for a specific noun ... or a name when referring to things and places or when referring to people, infants, and other animals of unspecified sex.’ Ah! Webster’s spoke. ‘IT’ can mean not only his dictionary, but every word in that dictionary until the definition of those words have been defined.

Indeed, you and I were ‘ITs’ until some one decided to find out what sex we were. Such a definition points to Webster’s exotic undertones.

In Webster’s second meaning ‘... to represent some implied idea, condition, action or situation’, Webster’s states that once the meaning of a word ‘IT’ has been established, it is not an ‘IT’ anymore, and people can then use the word ‘IT’ in total understanding of what ‘IT’ means. Politicians have been using ‘IT’ for years to the complete understanding of their listeners. Yet, his subconscious may be searching for the true meaning of ‘IT’ for when he answers the phone, he often asks ... ‘What is IT?’

Think about ‘IT’ later, for there is a third meaning of ‘IT’ Webster’s again: ‘The subject of an impersonal verb.’ Now, here is one to chew on. Picture this example.

‘IT’ rained the day you were in New York. What rained? All those ‘Its’ in the dictionary rained? Really? No? Only a few of them, right? No? Well then , what rained? If ‘IT’ rained on the days you and I were born, ‘IT’ would be very clear; we rained. But we only rained until our sex was discovered. Then, it must have cleared up. But just think, if ‘IT’ had been cold enough, we might have snowed.

Let us drain on, for we are not yet finished with Webster’s.

‘IT - the subject or predicate nominative of a verb whose logical subject is anticipated.’ Webster’s example is again as slanderous as the ocean is wet.

Go up to your friends door, knock upon it and from beyond the portal comes a query about your sex ... ‘Who is IT?’

Who is IT indeed, you rave, there in that cold hallway, nearly ready to snow, a mean sexless thing in your best friends eye.

‘IT is I’, you shout back, straining the door against its hinges, ‘the IT that didn’t rain before someone discovered my sex and made me not an IT but me, your friend. Let me in, It’s freezing’.

Your friend calls back, eyes bulging in the peek hole ... ‘prove IT!’.

Now standing in nineteen feet of freshly fallen snow, screaming insanely that you are not an IT, you begin a frenzied routine of stripping to reveal your raw sex, to prove to your friend once and for all you are not and IT, letting lose only a few scattered flurries in the process.

Your friend is not impressed and calls for help.

And while you are being dragged away, still snowing, by the guys in the white jackets, you vow you are not an IT.

But Webster’s plows on. ‘IT’ is also a noun, defined by Webster’s as ‘... in children’s games, the player required to perform some specific act.’ If you are ‘IT’ in this game, watch out! An interesting variation of this game is Freeze Tag, where all ‘ITs’ if their sex is unknown, may now under the rules, snow if ‘IT’ had been raining.

Conclusion: the word ‘IT’ is a word that is capable of taking on many meanings, most not very clear, of all nouns, most pronouns unless their sex is known and is itself a noun capable of meaning ‘IT’.

I’m confused.



06/23/2006

Author's Note: Before I dropped out of Romper Room, this was the only paper I every got an 'A' on...

Posted on 06/24/2006
Copyright © 2020 Steven Craig

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by A. Paige White on 07/09/06 at 12:24 AM

" IT rained the day you were in New York. What rained? All those Its in the dictionary rained? Really? No? Only a few of them, right? No? Well then , what rained? If IT rained on the days you and I were born, IT would be very clear; we rained. But we only rained until our sex was discovered. Then, it must have cleared up. But just think, if IT had been cold enough, we might have snowed."~~gave me a chuckle~~... "Before I dropped out of Romper Room, this was the only paper I every got an 'A' on..."~~~I remember romper room... and captain Kangaroo

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