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It Wasn't Cornbeef Hash!

by Steven Craig




Once there was (and still is), a very inventive but retarded wolf who thought he could build a conveyance to the moon. He dreamed and schemed till his hair brill-creamed trying to complete a scheme to dam a high mountain stream and back all that water up behind the high mountain stream, and back all that water up to the moon. What a loony goon. Ah! But then his mind, that brilliant mind, his retarded mind finally struck upon a tune to back up all that water to have an influence upon the moon.

He called on his friend, that Apache friend, his witchdoctor friend, Stangnet Lornidoon, to cry and shout, spit and pout, stomp and romp, yell and cast spells, make the cactus sprout, shake the devil out, and (hopefully), finally make it rain and pour in the high mountain stream so that the dam in the high mountain stream would back up enough water in the high mountain stream, and back the water up to the moon.

Well, that crafty, shafty, ratty Stagnate Lornidoon, made it rain and pour in a high mountain stream, and screamed and steamed and schemed (as though with the devil teamed), and finally, fanatically beamed when he had made it rain enough in the high mountain stream to back up enough water behind the dam in the high mountain stream to have waves lapping about the moon. And then that fiend, (our stories only fiend), who now so brightly beamed, Stagnate Lornidoon, was asked by Mac Raccoon, why he was screaming (that's Stagnate Lornidoon), why he was screaming as does a goon? To which the bright eyed, feeble eyed, tired eyed, closed eyed, four eyed (count them) Stagnate Lornidoon replied "It will rain and rain in a high mountain stream, and rain and rain, and finally drain behind a dam in the high mountain stream, and back the water up behind the dam in the high mountain stream, and back the water up to the moon!"

To which the raccoon replied in a silent boom to the Stagnate Lornidoon

" ... Hmmmm ..."

And it rained and it rained in the high mountain stream, and rained and rained without reason throughout the season in the high mountain stream, and rained and rained enough in the high mountain stream to back an awful lot of water up behind a dam in the high mountain stream and so to be backed up to the moon.

"Well, Gross Me Out!" cried the panicking Stagnate Lornidoon to the now boating raccoon. "I made it rain and rain and finally drench us and drain into the wrong high mountain stream where there is not a single dam to hold back the water in the high mountain stream, and back the water up in the high mountain stream all the way to the moon."

And so that fag, that gallant hag, that Stagnate Lornidoon, and the now enraged raccoon crawled upon a log, which upward, shot, and rapidly floated off toward the moon!

And here, our story might very well end (and it does).

But what, you may ask, ever happened to that brat, the wolf with the brilliant, retarded brain?

The inventive wolf, that brilliant wolf, the retarded wolf, watched from his cave by the high mountain stream, watched it rain and rain and pour and finally drain into the wrong high mountain stream, reflectively watched the log, Stagnate Lornidoon, and the enraged raccoon take their upwards shot and thought ...

"Hey man, tomorrow ... I'd better stop smoking this pot."

06/23/2006

Author's Note: Another reason... to just say NO to drugs.

Posted on 06/24/2006
Copyright © 2020 Steven Craig

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