I am fearful
of the control,
the ghost,
I have given up
with you

on a daily basis
you influence me,
how easily hurt
or immeasurably happy
I can be
from just the inflection
of your voice
is amazing

I know I could be stronger
I could ignore the little things
and pretend I don't see how your heart beats
but sometimes that means the most to me
and I won't be someone I am not
for some amount of mystery

I realize its difficult to co exist
and always meet on a brilliant level,
I do expect our moments,
but I have yet to understand
what really makes you happy
and your indifference to let me know
if I have anything to do with that
I must admit is killing me

I am feeling things
that you should want to know
but you'd rather let me go on my own
without confronting the fallout
of energy

Perhaps your history has restrained you,
maybe you're scared of making the effort to change,
and there is that notion
that you might actually end up needing someone,
will you always be so quick to abandon the effort,
will anyone ever be your equal?

I doubt I will ever know
because inches are sometimes miles even right next to you
we are never completely in the same room together
and I am stuck wandering like a child between wanting to be near you
or needing to be in this room at all

In the lack of your urgency to connect with me
to place your eyes in a position to care
I am suspended in the seconds of silence
where you have probably already made your point

I am lost in the delay of your love

and I am not sure
it was ever really coming.

06/04/2006

Author's Note:

Posted on 06/05/2006
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