a bottle from under the bed
has inched its way into vision
and if anyone were to notice
and reveal the truth underneath
they would know it is more than sleep
that has delivered you
on many occasions
far from here
and the pain

with my eyes on the ceiling
alone at night
in the center of my bed
I wonder how much longer
we will endure this,
this thing that has taken
and kept you
from my lips

I lay here
with my rational thought
with all the sense I can capture in a breach of night
trying to find the words that will fix you
but I realize there is no amount of wanting
that will force you
from that place
where inside
you are so shadowed

I replay the years in my head
and try to understand where we went wrong,
at times blaming myself for that moment
when you decided
we weren't enough,
and I see now that it was not really one single moment
but many moments
of decision,
your decisions
that have lead you
astray

All those sad songs
I used to listen to
while you watched t.v.
I now feel every word
drawing out the truth
in a succession that only one broken heart can bestow onto another,
I feel the curve of pen
as it loops the words together
flowing from the artist's hand
like an ink that runs from him
as if without control
through the speaker

I lay here
listening
in a room where nothing is free of you
where every object sparks a memory,
even this knot in my stomach is you
walling my ability to see ahead
to envision that life
you once loved,
a part of my life that is now captive to a bottle
just barely visible
under the bed of our failure,
forsaken and shadowed

04/10/2006

Author's Note:

Posted on 04/10/2006
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