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Losing him

by Lisa-Dawn Sparling

 I am not ready to say goodbye to you,

there are no two ways about it -

I love who you have become -

I love that the bitterness is now 5%

not the 50% it used to be.

I love that you cherish me and share with me

stories of you life as you beat me round by round of crib.

You are a clever man, and I appreciate that you never let me win.

I now can appreciate that you always allowed me to make my own mistakes,

it taught me strength and determination.

I will never tell you that you were a perfect father,

I will not tell you that you were a great father,

but you are one now.  I can see that and I respect that.

I do not resent you for any of your shortcomings as you were on  a journey too,

a journey of learning to be a father..

and I would hate to say good-bye now when you have come so far..

I will tell you that I am proud of the stubborness that I inherited..

I will tell you that I love your voice and the way you raise your eyebrows-

I will also tell you that you are incredibley complicated and intense

and I love those things about you...

Don't go yet dad, I truly don't think that I am ready.

 

01/16/2006

Posted on 01/17/2006
Copyright © 2024 Lisa-Dawn Sparling

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by JJ Johnson on 01/21/06 at 05:20 AM

It seems that every time I read one of your poems, I want to give you a hug as much as I need one myself. This makes me reflect of my own relationship with my father, though I can never say these things to him. Even after having a couple of major heart attacks and surgeries, I can't bring myself to tell him these kinds of things about the way I feel. You are an inspiration. JJ

Posted by Gregory O'Neill on 01/22/06 at 02:54 AM

I love the details here, and had a very similar expericence. You'll always want more time, the adjustment will take a year...just plan on that, and don't deny yourself, now or then. Excellent writing.

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