|
'Lest I Die
by Jersey D GibsonEverything that you do to me,
is exactally what I deserve.
I see your smile everyday,
wouldn't ever get the nerve.
All this and more
you've done to me.
All this and more
will never leave.
Everyday is a new beginning,
which I try to make the most.
I see your eyes, precious orbs,
all the things I want to boast.
All this and more,
you've done to me.
All this and more,
was this meant to be?
So I say 'lest I die,
let my feelings come through.
So I try to do my best,
heartshaped we grew.
Everyone sees us now,
do you think they get jealous?
Hold my hand, hold my heart,
what more can we lay upon us?
All this and more
you've done to me.
All this and more,
can't you see?
So I say 'lest I die,
let my feelings come through.
So I try to do my best,
heartshaped we grew. 01/09/2006 Posted on 01/09/2006
Copyright © 2024 Jersey D Gibson
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Kim Bennett on 01/10/06 at 06:46 AM Aww, that is sweet (I never say things are sweet, so consider yourself lucky :P). I like the title "'Lest I Die" but you might consider "Heart-Shaped We Grew" as a title, because that's a very nice image. The line "Hold my hand, hold my heart" is also a very powerful, heartfelt(no pun intended, punshine) line. |
| Posted by Kim Bennett on 01/10/06 at 04:35 PM Actually, one more suggestion, the line "do you think they get jealous?" doesn't seem to fit in the poem. I think it's because it takes you out of the intimacy by bringing in other people, and the word jealous in this kind of poem is odd. I know it's for the rhyme scheme, but you might want to try a slant rhyme there like "bless" "chess" or "confess" "discuss". I'm particular on word choice, can you tell? ^-^;
|
|
