The actual title is: A Cat, A Princess, and A Blind Demon Spawn Cow Controlling Prince.

Formally within an eternity, a beati- what? Come on, "Once upon a time" is
getting old. We need something new! Brilliant! Dangerous.... Fine, fine. Let's start
over:


Once upon a time (happy now?) a beautiful cat was- What now? Yes, a cat, let
me finish. As I was saying, a beautiful cat was lost deep within the woods. It just so
happens that a princess was lost there, as well. So, there was a princess and a cat. I know
what you are thinking, where on earth will this story go? Who cares about a cat?


The princess does. Princess Rhea was lonely in the palace, her prince was a
hypocrite and chewed with his mouth open. So Rhea decided she would run away, but
being a princess, she didn't know the first thing about it! She had gone so far into the
woods, she couldn't even hear her cow of a prince chomping on his food! Of course, he
could have just stopped eating, but, Rhea didn't think that was very likely.


Finally, after walking from the castle she heard a rustling in the ivy. She froze,
her long hair, (no, not as long as Rapunzles, not as short as Cinderella's, about Aerial's
length, but brown, not red.) blowing gently in the wind. Yup, she was an earthy girl all
right. She pulled out her trusty slingshot form her green cloak and picked up a few
pebbles from the ground. She hoped it wasn't a moose, or worse, a cow. Demon Spawn,
that's what they are, mooing like some weird chant, bent toward her destruction!


Then, out popped this shimmering black blob of a cat. He had the most beautiful,
at least the biggest, eyes she had ever seen on a cat. Oh, that's why. You wouldn't believe
it, but the poor cat's tail was caught in the ivy, giving him the name, Ivytail. The princess,
shocked at the little blob of fur, shot a pebble at him. Why that good for nothing
princess, poor kitty, oh, anyway. The princess missed Ivytail, due to his acrobatic
abilities, or her bad aim, and helped him escape from the ivy, obviously placed there by
the Demon Spawn.


She picked up the cat, now giving him the name Ivytail, while cuddling and
snuggling him, of course. Who wouldn't? It was a little lost cat, it was cute, and it was
the only thing she had close to being a friend, now. Well, as long as Ivytail doesn't eat
with his mouth open. That is such a cow thing, which means Chayton, (her prince), must
be the leader of a cult of cows. If Ivytail chews with his mouth open, he could be a part
of it.


Just to make sure, Rhea gave Ivytail a little piece of bread she had in her bag.
What a good cat! He didn't even chew at all! Swallowed it whole, he was definitely
coming home with her. But, alas, she didn't know which way home was. Sensing her
confusion, Ivytail leaped from her arms. He knew the way to the castle. Hey, all I said
was that he was lost, doesn't mean he was lost from the castle. And of course he knew
she was from the castle, would a peasant be wearing a tiara? Duh.


Meowing cutely at Rhea, he led her to the path that would take her right back to
the castle. Before they could reach the castle, however, a rumbling in the ground caused
them to leap into the bushes as monsters, (must be cows), charged at them, screaming her
name with their screeching voices. (We could say that Rhea has an over- active
imagination). As she stepped out, slingshot in hand, her prince swept her off her feet into
his arms and kissed her passionately. Ick, Demon Spawn cow breath. Ivytail, being as
brave as his is, leaped into Rhea's arms, and clawed Chayton's eyes out passionately.


Poor wittle princey-poo's eyes must have a boo-boo, aww! Actually, one eye
popped out and was stepped on by a horse, and the other was sewn shut so he wouldn't
scare the villagers. The only reason Ivytail was allowed to live was because his own cat
was the same size, and Rhea threatened to make her prince send out Demon Spawn to
anyone who touched her cat.


Little Ivytail was living the good life! Kitty treats every hour, mice to play with,
and the princess to cuddle with. Rhea was forever in the cats? debt, but she was still
engaged to that stupid, cow loving pervert. Chayton was plotting against the two. How
dare his fiancee get her legion of cats to brutally tear out his eyes. They must be hiding
all over the palace, waiting to turn his friends into chicken fried steak! No, he will not
have it! Set the castle on fire, of course take his princess with him, get married soon
after. Ah, but how would the honeymoon go if he was blind? Improvise! Could practice
with the cow... er maids, yes, maids.


The plan was set into action in the middle of the night. The prince left the castle,
and the princess was taken by two guards. Poor Ivytail was stuck in the ablaze castle.
Rhea would not have this. Kicking the guards, in... not so happy places, she sprinted
back into the castle. She found her kitty close to death in a twisted heap on the floor. He
mewed helplessly and died in her arms.


Rhea sat in the middle of the smoke and flames, sobbing. Not thinking the castle
could actually crumble on top of her, which is what it did. The Princess Rhea and Ivytail
both died that night in the blazing building.


... What do you mean the main character can?t die, they never die, what about
being dangerous!? Fine, onto the happy ending you ungrateful bas... bass fishers.


Because of Rhea?s big heart, the cat Ivytail, fell in love with the human. This cat
was lost from the catnip world of Felinetopia. He was the prince there and was searching
for a nice princess cat to settle down with, when Rhea stumbled upon him. So you
remember, they both died in the fire. But instead, Ivytail?s, his real name is Prince
Rakuria, magicians sent them to an alternate universe. Here, Rhea ran into Ivy- sorry,
Rakurai?s arms, human arms. And she, was the cutest Calico cat he had ever seen in his
entire kingdom.


Since Rakurai was now human, and Rhea was a kitty, she cried and mewed. Laid
her head on her paws and watched her prince pace as he waited for his magicians. When
they finally showed up, they agreed to change their prince back into a cat and to take them
both back to Felinetopia, which was now under attack of Demon Spawn cows.


And they are lasting delightfully unendingly for more years then you can possibly
imagine. I mean, and they lived happily ever after, ripping out cows eyes with their
claws, and swallowing their food whole.

The End

12/31/2005

Author's Note: I wrote this when I was around 15 years old, I believe. I'm not entirely sure. But it's just an amusing story to make people laugh. Read it outloud if you so desire. :P

Posted on 01/01/2006
Copyright © 2024 Kim Bennett