I have it on good authority that the world is no longer scheduled for destruction according to Revelations.

The World will not be destroyed, just Texas.

It seems the God of All Gods, Light of All Sealed Beams, appeared to Thomas of Clearlake City on the occasion of his second anniversary of his NASA layoff.

Thomas heard the words of the New Revelations, spoken in a voice as a great forceful wind, emanating from his neighbors pool filter. Thus was revealed the new blueprint for Humanity.

Due to a hoax, otherwise know as a pyramid scheme, perpetrated by a certain Jesus of Amarillo, the news was overlooked by C&DNN’s, but still loudly ascertained by Thomas de Clearlake.

Seraphim’s on union scale only briefly appear prior to the arrival of any of the news teams summoned, and the Archangel Michael was engaged elsewhere and sent his apologies. (He was alleged to be wrestling Mark Twain in an eleven round match.)

The Denique Nuntius ex Deus was thus:

"Verily I Say Unto You, Individuals waiting for the Rapture to clear their outstanding credit-card balances may as well start trying to squeeze that camel through the needle’s eye. That is all.”

12/28/2005

Posted on 12/29/2005
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