Christmas makes everything
intense-
all the happiness and sadness.
(If you're alone)
you're more solitary.
(If you're sad)
it gets worse.

I wasn't looking forward
to the day,
but it came
and I felt it... true joy.
Not from cards,
cookies or plastic,
but from my family.
Togetherness.
Love.
It was absolutely wonderful...
sure, even fantastic...
for a few days anyway.

I agreed with my friend
that sadness starts
to seep in.
He didn't want me,
but I wanted him.

Today the joy
started to fade
and millions of silly games
were played.
Now I'm feeling nothing...
just nothing at all.

I soaked in bath
water for hours.
I thought it would
be artistic to drown.

I always thought
nakedness
was beautiful.
But not for me.
Not for me.
It made me
vulnerable, not beautiful.

She said you're
always allowed to feel.
He said love was
for everyone.

Not for me.

12/26/2005

Author's Note: I loved these people that didn't love me...

Posted on 12/27/2005
Copyright © 2024 Rebecca Lin