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5 The hunter Dresses the Part

by James Zealy

Well its been a right long time
Since that Fox came to visit
So's I finished that thar book on foxes
Yes, I did!!!!

It was so dad blamed dry I had to
Use whittlin’ slivers to prop my eyes open
It was so gawd awful borin’ when I read it to Bubba
He turned over and snored afore I finished the first line

Worsen that the only thang that looked worthwhile
Was that fox huntin’ suit
Soes I decided if them panty waists could catch
Foxes lookin’ like that, so could I.

Well now I ordered them funny clothes from Sears and Roebuck
Right from catalog in the outhouse (Still ain't gotta a clue)
Me and bubba jumped in the tub and washed up (image is everything)
We was clean and purty, yes we were

Them clothes came the next day
I pulls on that red coat
Them buttons justa a glintin in the sun
Then those tight white pants
Buttoned tight round my belly (I like mah beer)
Then those shiny black boots

I stared in the mirror and I had to look twiced
I got my 12 gauge cuz I was lookin at a stranger
Dog gone near pulled the trigger til I saw
It was me.

Mah chest it just swelled biggern my belly
Halleluia, we is goin’ to catch us a fox
Off, me Bubba and chesty go huntin’ ole Foxy
A redneck trinity if they ever was one

We was gittin’ close to where Miss Foxy
Was always a runnin, when outta no where
Here she comes goin’ like a ricocheting
Red bullet all over the pasture

I smacked chesty and she starts a runnin’
Bubba is bayin’ right ahead chasing that varmint
Only, she's a runnin’ away from the hen house
And the woods.

I pulled up chesty and sorta scratched my head
This didn't make no kinda sense
We headed back towards them woods,
and heard Somethin’ rustlin’

I gets offa Chesty and walks towards the noise
The rustlin’ gets louder from a bush yonder
I pulls back that thar bush and they was some baby foxes
They was right cute, for chicken eatin’ foxes

Well I reached down to touch them squealin’ little guys,
When I heard a snarlin’ angry full fledged momma fox
Boy now Miss Foxy she was real perturbed
She bit me right in the hind parts

I started just a runnin’
She came after me jumpin up and bitin Fur every step I took,
She finally done took the seat right outta my pants
Bubba tucked his tale and runned straight for the house
Chesty spooked and left me standing thar with my drawers hangin’ out

Me and Bubba finally reached the farm house plain tuckered
Ain't nothin worse
Than foolin’ with an angry momma fox And her cubs
Dad blamed book didn't say nothin’ about this


Posted on 12/13/2005
Copyright © 2021 James Zealy

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Jim Benz on 12/19/05 at 06:02 PM

If this series were a chap book, I'd buy it for my wife and give it to her for Christmas (she's an ol' farm girl who keeps talking about building a chicken coop). I'm really enjoying this tale.

Posted by A. Paige White on 06/15/10 at 03:54 PM

Only hole in tha pasture i found (when it knocked my readin rhythm off) was (image is everything). When I put put on my duct taped spectackles it looked more like (purtying ye'self up is everthin').... I am actually going to print these out and read them to my Mom. She's a coal miner's daughter hillbilly... can hardly wait to hear her reaction!

Posted by A. Paige White on 06/15/10 at 04:01 PM

"Halleluia...A redneck trinity if they ever was one"! Love it!!! Yes Lawd! Bless 'em fox hunts!

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