I can't imagine anyone will love me
or would do anything for me
as you do
but still I push you away


I'll spend a lifetime like this
making examples
of what is right
and what is easy


I'll string together moments
and people
to stand-in
for the dream I'm painting


I'll seek love
that rearranges my priorities
and like a wild fire
burns down all my fields


I'll say it many times with my mouth
and not feel it in my heart
to the infatuations in my bed
that never stay till morning


I'll expose myself to the world
to the endless scrutiny and judgments of people
be under a vast arrangement of superficial microscopes
because I chose to leave the safety of our relationship


I'll feel what it's like to be wanted
and to want nothing
to have a crush
and to be crushed


I'll start to notice all the things you did
much more clearly
now that only half the things get done
I know love but cannot fall into it


I'll sing less
to avoid the music of my life
because it will only remind me
of how lonely it is to be single


I'll write poems like this
that make me wonder what is right
because leaving you
has not been easy

12/08/2005

Posted on 12/08/2005
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