The smiles we fake make the worst impressions
these bad ideas are too near and I can't fight
the pull and the strain and the rawness
it's so raw
the way I can picture you locking that door
to the party
and laughing
and thrilled with the prospect of love
in the only way you ever get it...
It's cold in this room where we are
and I know it
you're sorry
well thanks for the daylate
the buckshort
what happens now?

Will you forget it?

Will you files away names
file those dates
and enumerate things so it's easy
for you?
I wish
God I wish sometimes I had your coldness
to seal all my sins in an envelope
lap up the glue and then burn them away
inside me.
The people you've left me with deal with the fact
that I'm sick and I'm broken
That your careless laughter is inside my ears
That your desperate need for belonging
affection, physical contact and worthiness
drove you to take me
and tear me apart.

I screamed and you heard me
the voice was my own
I was screaming at you
and falling apart.
Falling the fuck apart
and you sounded numb.
How dare you be numb.
How dare you be so unattatched to this!
You heard my lungs crack
I had your silence to deal with
so what can a sorry do now?
Where was it then!
I wish sometimes that I had a cock I could use
to make you feel important with.
So I could be cherished as much as the fair headed boy
that you cheated on
up to a point.

(And don't think that he
never hears word's like these
don't think I save them for you
and don't think I like me this way.
I don't,
but you made me
as I now unmake myself
building a new)

I dislike your version of love
send it elsewhere.

I was cheated on too
by you.

11/06/2005

Author's Note: This is not polished. I don't want this arranged so that it is poetically acceptable. It doesn't fit the subject matter. I feel too raw to cut and edit these words.

Posted on 11/07/2005
Copyright © 2024 Trisha De Gracia