we are all
-lonely-
& fucking to forget

this spicy smoke
is nothing evil
if it forms just one
-connection-

your shoes
can't stop
your fear
because conformity
is a disease

& even as I create
I seek to escape
my existential loneliness

union
love
connecting

you are the way I stay alive
this empty life is more full
because of you.

10/18/2005

Author's Note: a retired professor came to give a talk on religion. he discussed existential loneliness... the realization that we exist and we exist completely on our own. sex or drugs or conformity or creating or love... they're just ways to alleviate the immense loneliness we feel. and apparently, love is the most healthy way to do that.

so I thought for a while about how I do that. it's sometimes writing, but it's mostly love. and the main connection that I've made and kept and, honestly, makes me calm in that I feel I'll never be alone is my connection with Koye. he's the "you" in the poem. he's been my constant. I suppose this is my love poem to him. it's not flowery or overtly flattering, but I think the implications make this the most complimentary poem I've ever written. hm.

Posted on 10/19/2005
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