It isn't fair.
You, too, deserve these words.
You've never tried to char them.
You've never been the one to spit them back
into my face
and walk away.
You've never hurt me.

You wear shambles that are brave
you hold expressions that are blank and dusted
just behind your eyes,
you seek to save me from the pain in this
the pain that I've created here
and pulled you into with shaking hands
and words that wrap around our fingers.

There's never been a choice before you.
Never been another way to love
before you said you loved me.
I can't hold these circumstances hostage
when my words could shift the swing for you.

I wish I could be fair.
I know who's more deserving
and I know what people say
when I'm not looking.
I know precisely what they want to think
of me, of you,
its easy as breath
as guilt
as regret.

Turning you away
would be easier than hurting you.
Seeing you in love
with someone else
would make me smile if only because I wouldn't be there.
I wouldn't be inside to make you think of what you aren't.
There's nothing that you aren't.
I'm nothing you should want.
I'd take the pain and lose myself in chances
lose it all in absent romances we might have had
If that could keep you safe.

I know how to feel unloved and forgotten.
I know how to be at fault
and be helpless
I've been fate's casualty
been alone.
I can lose this and deal with myself
but with you?
With the crumple and shake of your body?
I'd rather be left and forgotten then cause that.
I'd rather you smile at another girls laughter
than cry at one's knack for dramatics.

I don't know where I stand.
This world I have with him, it lives here.
We never can "step out"
and have it step right out of us
it bleeds internally
it pulls so hard
it rips you limb from limb for the chance at normalcy
we've never had but fleetingly,
and here you choose to stay
you choose to wait,
infectious
it seeps into your soul
and you could not be rid of it
with time or change of heart
you let it spread
and keep the pieces as mementos.

We are here because we're rooted in this game.
You're here of your own volition.
I stand erect
stalk still and silent as marble.
You have been warned.

10/17/2005

Author's Note: KC. I'm a dangerous person to love, for you. But if you won't go, for whatever reason, you see it in my eyes somewhere when I see wholly nothing, either way, then you know that I can't make you now anymore than I could yesterday.

Posted on 10/17/2005
Copyright © 2024 Trisha De Gracia