For so long I lay here in darkness. Waiting, praying for someone to see me. I've hidden myself well, learned to blend into crowds. People look right at me, and see nothing.

I didn't realize the effects of what I was doing though. I hid myself TOO well. As I lay there in silence, in fear that if I stuck a hand outside my little shelter someone might step on it. So for a long time I stayed where I was.

Then suddenly a light shone through the haze. Like a flashlight, someone searching for something. And I watched it quietly as it moved around me.

Curiousity got the better of me, as it so often does. So I crept out of hiding. Ever so slowly so no one would notice. And I stretched out a hand and touched the light.

It's like nothing I've ever felt before. Life. It created this growing need inside, a wanting to be free.

It scared me. This wanting. The light. But it wouldn't go away...no matter how far I tried to retreat into the darkness, it always pulled me back.

Now I never want it to leave. I want more. I want to step fully out into the light and feel. Feel completly alive.

As I take this step forward though, the light dims. I pull back. The light isn't sure, the light can't shine completly right now. For it is giving half of it's energy to another girl. One I can't see. But I feel the loss. And I cry out inside in pain.

It's easier now to turn back and hide. But the light is still partially there. How can I turn away? How can I hide again when I've known what it feels like? Even if only for a little while, even if only partially.

I need to wait, I want to wait. I want to see if the light will come back again...maybe stronger this time. Because of all the things that are good in my life. The light makes me feel something no one ever has. Wanted.

10/09/2005

Author's Note: Something I wrote two years ago and just rediscovered.

Posted on 10/09/2005
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