Leave (For Your Warmth)

by Alastre Zidler

Leave me
To be naked and sobering
And alone tonight
That I might mourn
My dreams of you

Fucking sick of staring
At your back as you sleep

Your nightgowns
Razors stroking me
My own hands

I think it feels like
I’m really dying
When I try to remember
How alive I felt
The days
When our love

The empty space in the bed:
Do you keep it as a void Honey
Or do you bring ghosts in
To ease your fantasies
Are my flaws inverted
Somewhere in the blue bath
TV screen of your dreams

I tore my castle walls down
To let you in
Screaming ice and snow
You rain down as you sleep
Your fortress is impregnable
I should have kept you as a fantasy

Good and evil
Don't exist
In your arctic circle
I am ravenous
Every day you have cut me
I want to love
I’ve spent my whole life
Clinging to one thing
Or another

I want to feel loved
I’m so sick of wasting waiting my whole life
For your warmth
Your nightgowns
Your razors and fingertips to
Touch me bleed me fucking take my life
With long lost impossible love

When you wake up
I’m gonna say
“Good morning
My Love”
And another winter will pass
Into another night
I come so close
To running


Posted on 09/18/2005
Copyright © 2022 Alastre Zidler

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Alison McKenzie on 02/23/06 at 08:30 PM

The anger here, the lonliness, the betrayal, the disappointment, the remaining love and hope despite the obvious hopelessness. Wow.

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