March I've been in these dark moods recently. It's really depressed as it is disappointment with the world. Maybe because of watching Doyle die, then finding out Glenn Quinn actually did. It's sad, really. I felt as if I knew him, but I didn't. I knew Doyle, and Doyle's aura and eyes. I knew his voice and accent, not the actor's. It probably isn?t helping that I'm listening to "fine art" music, as Rusty calls it. Ironic, isn't it? The Christian music is great dark music to listen to.

It's funny how things look so different in the dark when imagination takes over eyes and plays with sight. Monster in the shadows, normal in the light. New adventures, new ideas and thoughts? and click, there goes the light.

I couldn't love someone who doesn't see the beauty I see in Finding Neverland, or at least understands the reasons behind it.

"Lover of beauty, knightliest and best. I have remembered beauty in the night, and music in the dark...But all remembered beauty...is no more.... is no more,than a vague prelude to the thought of you."

Why can't I find someone who is the lover of beauty? Beautiful thoughts and images, I mean. A friend, even. How strange. My cousin was lucky. She found someone and she found him when she was young. They've been together for many years of their lives. Someone to share their dreams with. Maybe no one will know me unless the read my journals. I do wonder who will read them sometimes. The future me? Will I remember where I wrote it? Desk chair, listening to Toxicity by System of a Down, followed by Legend of Zelda, and Fall to pieces. Future love? Maybe multiple, however doubtful. My children, my father, sister, brother? A complete stranger maybe? Do I know you?

I'll probably fill in the two pages I skipped, but would you have known they were blank when I wrote this? And I have no idea what will go there.

"I keep a journal of memories. I'm feeling lonely, I can't breathe. Fall to pieces. All alone, I fall to pieces. Will the memories die? I'm waiting."

09/11/2005

Posted on 09/11/2005
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