by Dan Garcia-Black

If the government got involved,
dating would be mandatory
on human beings.
Perhaps the USDA would insist
on the same labeling that is used
in supermarkets and meat markets.
Every human being would have a
“Best if Used Before” tattoo
visible on the nape of their neck.
Old men would grow their hair long
in the back to cover it up
thinking that by the time their love interest
got to see it,
she wouldn’t think him too past his prime.
We could have websites with people
desperate to get in that one last relationship
before their due date was up.
Oh, that’s right, there is e-Harmony.com already.
It would be a felony to have a tattoo artist
change a month 03 to an 09, or worse, change a year!
Government dating would assure us
of the utmost freshness in our dates.
This is important because
a date too close to expiration
could get stale fast.
My date was 12/97.
So, it’s way too late to date me.
Qr, if I’m a bit less than honest,
I’m good for another ninety-two years.
Hey, why not give me a try?
I promise not to leave a bad taste in your mouth.


Author's Note: I got dumped after a 7 1/2 year relationship today and this love child was left on my word processor. I think it is what used to be called a lonely hearts ad.

Posted on 08/18/2005
Copyright © 2020 Dan Garcia-Black

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Michelle Angelini on 08/18/05 at 09:05 AM

I think I'm past my expiration date...but what a concept. If I weren't so tired I'd think of something witty to say, but it doesn't even take 7 1/2 years for me. I hve a shorter shelf life. ;-)

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