Shon, the tenderness of your words and feelings can't hide the fact that regrets live near the surface. "If's" exist throughout the poem. If you came back to me, I'd accept you, no matter what. If I had been different, you would have stayed. If we weren't so messed up it would have worked. The wishes are there, but no horses to ride. Still, love in your heart refuses to die. It's not as if you still hope, since you've got more knowledge about what happened, but you'll always leave the door open to possibilities. I think CS knows how you feel without you telling him. He may even feel the same way. ;-)
~Chelle~