I think this creature of flight
Is the one thing that I cannot grasp
I think the sun has always had it in
For us and our meandering feet.
I think you could do better tied to my wrists
Than I could ever do without you.
I climb stairs for you; transforming heaven
Into grains of salt you can stick in your pocket.
I’d like to infect you,
then you could never be without me.
That would put out the flame of my loneliness.
And I would wear your jacket, your jewelry, and taste.
I would ignite to do your bidding
Maybe I could stop writing about you
If I burned you to the ground;
Even then, you would arise from the ashes of my pupils.
Perhaps, it is best that you and I do not equate anything.
Then the next time I feel pain, I can blame it on my sore tooth.
The intensity that burns in my cornea has nothing on the way
I feel you move when you sleep two years away.
And still I am not whole or clean or ready
For any new feelings or hearts to touch me.
I’d like to blame this all on you,
But I cannot get over the fact that you could not accept me.
The air around us lies and twists, and I want to venture forward.
I am tired of falling constantly, because my eyes are
Locked on you, behind me.
I want to be born again. Fresh and whole.
I realize I never saw myself in you; no matter how much I hoped.
Now I have so many mistakes to correct and I am ready
To awaken.

06/15/2005

Author's Note: "I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well. I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself." -Dashboard Confessional
I am fully aware that pheonix is "oe." I misspelled it on purpose...I thought it would suit the poem better.

Posted on 06/16/2005
Copyright © 2024 Beth K Hannah