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Quill Envy
by Soulo Jacob BourgeauBigger, longer
Impressive elsewhere
Means little in our craft
Points succinct
Dabbed not drenched
In vats of vibrant verbiage
Pith purveys passion
Better than the pulp
of my past prattle
To arouse you instead
With wordplay and wit
Hereby this is my motto:
"It is not the size of the plume,
Rather the flutter in your feather”
05/30/2005 Author's Note: **Thanks, Darren. I took most of your advice, don't like it's ending yet. I shall pare it down more tomorrow....
* This needs work, would love your suggestions (and LOVE this group, btw! Thanks for accepting me! This is a poem in progress, needs shortening maybe? By no means my best, please see my other stuff and give feedback - I've sat on my work for years and only recently have been sharing it.
Posted on 05/31/2005
Copyright © 2024 Soulo Jacob Bourgeau
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Paul Marino on 06/06/05 at 01:33 AM nice. like the last line soulo. |
| Posted by Ava Blu on 06/15/05 at 06:34 AM I disagree with the above comment, I can see the adjustments made and now this is a very good poem. Alliteration does NOT have to be consistent for a poem to work. You used it well. There is no tongue-twister here, unless someone is unable to speak properly... |
| Posted by Dave Fitzgerald on 09/14/05 at 07:44 AM Love the motto mate. I think I shall stop worrying about the size of my plume. |
| Posted by Jim Benz on 11/15/05 at 03:33 AM hey, this is a pretty cool little poem. good flutter, man! |
| Posted by Alisa Js on 01/13/07 at 03:10 AM I have noticed a thread running through most of your work and that is humor... excellent.. will be by again.. have a great weekend.. aloha..;-) |
| Posted by Anita Mac on 08/06/10 at 12:56 AM I agree w/ Ava, I see no need for changes. I think the ending is rather perfect, actually, and the alliteration is just noticable enough to lend depth to the flavor, if you will, not distracting as it can sometimes be. Well done! |
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