you're so willing to tell me this now,
something i can't tell anybody,
something that stays between us,
how awkwardly satisfying.
trim the year in christmas lights,
and it all seems
so much more refreshing.
you've been having second thoughts,
and you turn to me for guidance,
don't worry,
that seems to be
par for the course,
this time of year brings it out in everybody.
it's the way those eyes
tell a story in every direction.
i promise no acts of self-indulgence,
i promise to behave,
i'll continue to be myself
so long as you never change.
you say "we'll have to work on that,"
and i stumble on every thought that i get,
i can't tell if it's nerves, or fear,
or a slight change of heart,
god, i hope it's not a change of heart.
i can control myself,
i can use all of this time spent,
i can be honest and forthcoming
and expect you to receive what i deliver.
there was a time when i could be so
negative,
so unwilling to compromise,
bitterness was a friend of mine.
and you tell me something about a boy
you met or saw or talked to,
and now you're shaking hands with my jealousy.
please don't be afraid to tell me this now,
feed me something to react to,
something i can sink into,
show me that you're feeling something.
we can trim this all with ornaments,
and pacify our minds with visuals,
just tell me that there's
more behind these decorations.
revealing can be so disappointing,
which is why you say you like
to hide behind something more believable.
i can't believe you told me that.
this time we'll talk about
how the weather feels so much heavier,
how we carry all these burdens on our shoulder,
and yet it's so easy to believe
that everything is perfect.
don't lie,
you love the mystery of not knowing
what i'm truly thinking,
if my smile is made of make-believe,
the things we hide behind.
you asked me to be honest.
here i am.
don't punish me for being,
for breathing,
or for decorating my reality.

12/27/2004

Posted on 05/27/2005
Copyright © 2025 Frankie Sanchez