Something tells me today will be annoying.

Don't bother playing the lottery, you don't have any lucky numbers.

If you meet someone and experience love at first sight, just think back to breakfast, it is probably the sausage acting up.

You will be mugged soon.

All the news coming your way will be annoying and disheartening.

You never show your true self, and there is a reason for this.

You will be awarded a great honor or pay increase, and then they will realize it was the other guy/gal with the same first name as you.

Someone will steal a pen off your desk today.

The Chinese food you just ate is saturated with salt and MSG, and your gas shall be powerful.

You will mistakenly drink stool softener instead of antacid (in response and reaction to said gas).

You will be having the most mind-numbing sex of your life and you will wake up...and then be unable to fall back into sleep.

You will feel the need to go to the bathroom and when you finally sit down on the toilet nothing will happen.

An ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend will annouce their engagement to be married.

Today you will find a freckle you have never seen before.

You will find a hair growing on your back.

There will be a horrible smell in your house/room but you will have no idea where it is coming from.

During sex, your partner will fall asleep.

You will experience your first manage a toi, and also discover personally the meaning of "third wheel."

Remember that big test you studied your butt off for? Well, you failed.

Today, everything you say will be wrong. So shut up.

04/26/2005