I'm so excited about this new job!
Now, I'll finally be able to get a cellphone!
"Some people seem to have trouble reading from a screen."
"How hard can that be?"
This job'll be easy!
"Just remember to be enthusiastic about the job."

"Now, you're not allowed to build rapports with the respondents."
This can't be that hard...

What is this?
'Tis not my page to find this writ from a screen!
Wilt mine English depreciate?
I cannot let this go!
Thou who doth divide me and my speech asunder thus
shall find thyself a cursèd fiend, and have a trench dug under
mortal earth, the spirit's whim shall never heal this wound
and damnèd be thou, wretchèd harlot, mine ignorance assumed
to well-bestow to thee and thine infernal end-approach,
and to my psyche dost thou now maliciously encroach
shall not give up to line the pockets of thy halls to send
my sanity into oblivion and bring my spirit to its end!

What's happening to me?
I can feel my English being desecrated, by the second.
My vocabulary, it seems, has gone astray.
Quick! What's the difference between "infer" and "imply"?
What? They're not the same?
True, and neither are they similar.
What? Similar and same are two different words?
I can't remember.

"No, I'm not interested in doing the survey. Goodbye!"
Call the next number, I suppose.
What's hapening to me?
Am I going unsane?

This is geting two bee more then I can take
"Now, is that
very likely,
somewhat likely,
not very likely, or
not at all likely?"

My inglish is going to wat an american wood do.
I cant let that hapen.
"On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate KVOS on channel 12 on:
being entertaining?"
"Is that a 7 or an 8?"
"Stop talking and do the survey!"
SHUT UP!!!

yoL neVEr BreAk mY SpiRIt!

dL-dL-dL-dL-dL

i shudnt be kaling fax mashins end woking daon steres thet leed two
nower! To weaks hear iz enuf!

FAX!!!
EEEEE!

"What do you mean you're quitting?"

FUK YU AL!!!

3 April 2004

04/07/2005

Author's Note: This one is called "Progressive Traditionalist Professional Marketing Research Interviewing Specialism". I wrote it while I was in a short period of insanity as a result of my previous job, which was doing surveys via telephone (similar to telemarketing, but without the creativity, if you get my drift...). Hope you like it, and if there are any of you out there who can honestly attest to truly understanding and comprehending this poem, I'm really sorry...

Posted on 04/08/2005
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