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i tried to say

by Angela Thomas

You see, the thing is, once you get to know
me, then I'm not a mystery anymore. Under
my cool and enigmatic cover, there is nothing
but a thirteen year old girl crumpled

on the sidewalk after she learned that her boyfriend
cheated on her. After that day, I've always been the same
hurt scared youth. I see his eyes in everyones and they scare
me. His eyes were always filled with such love, they've cried

just thinking about hurting me, but nonetheless, that love
is connected, at least in my head, with pain. So now, everytime
I feel, I feel pain. That is my secret. The one thing that every man
interested in me wants to know and doesn't, the one thing

that they think I'm holding back. But, now that you've learned
it, I don't seem so cool, I don't seem so confident, the appeal
that I might have had, on a bench in the middle of campus
and the middle of the night is gone. And I don't know how

to say this to you. You called me beautiful and no one
has done that in a really really long time. And no one
has ever called my personality beautiful. It's always
been one of those things that I've had to have blind

faith in and I've tried so hard. God would be an easier
challange to believe. So, when I say, sorry for being
whatever, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

04/04/2005

Posted on 04/04/2005
Copyright © 2024 Angela Thomas

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Jeffrey Parren on 04/04/05 at 06:13 AM

WOW...a really insightful poem. I feel what you are feeling. I personally relate to what you are saying, not for the same situation, obviously, but I know what it is to have this seemingly confident and cool outside while being so unable to grasp and hold onto love as you once could. Well written...something vey hard to accept and/or deal with as well. ~JPP

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