the stars have faded, the winters chill begins to give way to a breeze reminiscent of spring. your voice beckons me to a false reality which i used to love. your fingers upon my bare skin, your lovely words, the voice which haunts my dreams and calls me l o v e l y. how can something so lovely shatter so easily. how can something lovely be disregarded so easily. these words should be directed at someone else, the girl you hold at night, the girl who has replaced me. but its me your calling and im not falling anymore. i have been picked up off the dirty ground you threw me upon and my world is spinning again. can i fall in love with someone else when you are still the one i cannot bring myself to let go of completely. it is your face that surfaces in my sleep but you threw away something so perfect because you were afraid. scared that we had something so right. and its too late to get it back. and now im holding onto someone else and believing his words, just as lovely as yours. looking into his eyes, filled with the same brightness that once shone in yours. how long before the flame dies, before i am thrown back into the earth and forced to dig into the soil. eighteen months i have wasted with him. (did you know he is just like you?) and youve had so long. but you cant have me and now is when you decide you were wrong. this is when you decide you want to tear my world apart, destroy the loveliess i have fought so hard to regain. this is when you say you love me, you always have. its your turn. for a moment, feel the pain youve inflicted upon me. watch your very own beauty disappear with every breath you take. i hope it feels good. dont apologize. your words they mean nothing anymore.. and i shudder as i realize you've turned me into a liar. i cant pretend you have no effect on me. i cant pretend i am happy that you found someone new. if only she knew.. but i cannot tell her. i love you too much to watch you get hurt. and it kills me to admit that after all this time, a part of me will never stop thinking of you. but i can live without you. and i plan to continue doing so. five months may seem insignificant to everyone else, but to me its the world. ill love you forever but maybe i can finally learn to love someone else. maybe i can believe the words he says are true and stop wishing it was you. this is a new beginning.. and the end of everything we used to be. and... i love(d) you more than words could ever say. and thank you for loving me when you did. thank you for teaching me i can survive pain. but teardrops have clouded up all these words ive written and maybe its not really the end after all. its just its been so long and im letting myself fall again and i never thought it would be anyone but you and i just want you to know.. my hate for you is beginning to replace the love.

03/15/2005

Author's Note: eh not a poem. just a bunch of crap. not really worth the read.

Posted on 03/15/2005
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