I had to wear a bathing suit today
it only drove my insecure thoughts deeper
I wore it anyway
pretending I didn't see the fat peering out from under the suit
I laid on the sand
letting my skin become crisp from the sun
when you lay down, the fat spreads so I had the illusion of being skinny
I watched these skinny girls walk by
with the smallest bikinis on
they seemed more uncomfortable than me
their shoulders slouched
their eyes were dazed
wondering if any guys could smell the confidence they lacked
my niece and nephew suddenly blocked my view
they drug me into the ocean
it had been years since I let my feet breathe through the waves
we laughed as I danced 
holding their hands 
I started to feel secure even though the ocean had hurt me so many years before
when we went home I stood staring at my body
with this teal bathing suit on
suddenly, as my niece and nephew ran to hug me,
I closed my eyes and could hear the breeze
bringing back my self-confidence.
03/10/2005