their sentences begin with why
why why
and then they call, say everything is different
now, nothing
is going right
something
is
wrong
and they expect you to know
why

there is no longer a concept of wrong and right, here
no sense of time
grabbing & reaching are one in the same
these are the laws of addiction
of finding the right materials to create
the perfect pipe, the perfect
lie

no i haven't been smoking again

this is the black that fills lungs until there is only
darkness, void
big enough to swallow you in
and they say
you don't love me
you
don't
love
me
anymore

& expect you to have an answer, something
to comfort their aching hearts, reach the parts
inside their minds that say

this is wrong and it has something to do with them.

what could they have done different, better
you try to answer this yourself thinking, yes
maybe this is the way; blame

blame it all on them

but no, it is darkness, it has a pulse all its own
it does not belong to them they do not exist here
but you cannot tell them this because then

they would want to know why, why ..

this is your disease. you don't wear their names.
they are brothers and sisters and wives and children
and they all sound the same asking
why
why
why would you do this to yourself

: words like love & responsiblities & losing everything
& getting help, getting help, get help,

h e l p

you only want to close your eyes, maybe
sleep.for.a.while.
you only want to feel closer
to yourself. inhale.exhale.inhale deeper this
time. only.want.to.feel.closer.to.yourself.
relax a little. maybe,
::maybe even smile::

and yet still....still....
.....still
they want to know
w h y

02/19/2005

Author's Note: based on a true story

Posted on 02/19/2005
Copyright © 2025 Olivia Weinkein