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there is a white chair in the middle of the garden
by Angela ThomasYou know, it's really funny how you haven't called
for what, 5 days now? and the funny part is, I'm okay
with that. I guess technically, according to like, a lawyer
or something, you're still my boyfriend, but I know
that we're over. (I didn't even hold on until after
Halmark's holiday.)
I've quit drinking. I've quit smoking. And, it's really
really hard. I wanted you to have been there when
it happened, but I realize now that it wasn't actually you
that I wanted, I just wanted not to be alone. I guess
that makes me pretty sad and pathetic, but, so it goes.
Really, the truth is, I want so badly to call all the exes,
I want to call Chris, I want to call William, and I want to
sob to them, beg them to take me back, love me,
just for a minute. But then, I realize, they never loved
me in the first place. I was lying to myself. I wanted
to believe that I could be loved, that I was capable
of being loved, but I doubt it. And if you knew me
and how irritating and controlling and stupid I can
be, you'd understand. I'm just not meant for loving,
it's a feature that doesn't come standard. There is
no white chair in the middle of this garden,
I grow weeds. 02/13/2005 Author's Note: could you tell i'm dreading valentines?
Posted on 02/14/2005
Copyright © 2024 Angela Thomas
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