Oh come to me my tears
stream down my face
upon the ground that is hard
soften it again
let me bring forth a new harvest

sweat soaked through his tan brown work shirt
in the middle was a warm wet spot
caused by his hard work in the sun beside the garden
and from his face fell several drops of sweat
that softened the dry parched dirt garden

he prepared the ground for a fall harvest

I loved to play in the garden as he worked in my youth
he was a master of his craft
I loved that
and in his gardening I learned one of life's most elusive secret

his own wet, watery, sweat prepared the ground for a new fresh beginning

I only saw him cry once
and that was for 1 minute, which was 3 hours before my grandmothers funeral
I never saw him cry again

yet for me, I have always cried
I was not afraid to let my emotions show
to let my feelings be known or expressed
and yes, I've cried during my darkest sorrowful moments of my life

I've cried when I was emotionally separated from my family as a child
I cried when I did not get the A on a test I studied so hard on
I cried when I was not picked to be on the team

I've cried when I read of how young men died in war and never got to live as old as I was
I've cried when I have done things I wished I had not done
I've cried because I felt I did not belong
I've cried because I felt I was not liked or accepted by my peers
I've cried because the love I had as a teen was not accepted by society
that made me feel I was not like anyone else and that I had no place in society

I've cried when I got a new car after not driving for 7 years
I've cried when I got a job when I thought no one would hire an ex felon
I've cried when I celebrated 4 years on that job
I've cried when I won $900 from a radio station
I've cried when I used that money to meet a living spiritual master
I cried when she stopped and took my hand in hers and made me feel I was worthy of living
and for those of you who I am close too
know that I've cried when I recently lost a friend that meant so much to me

yet tears have been good for me
while I know that being male it can be said of crying is not masculine
after all I only saw my grandfather cry once
and only once by my father 3 hours after my grandfather was found dead

but when I neglect or repress my feelings…out of fear or pride
I keep the most precious gift from being realized
those natural forces of tears soften my own dry parched ground called my life

my tears, I've come to realize...accept...and embrace willingly
are softening my inner earth for a fresh harvest of joy and new beginnings

I want to cry
I will cry
I will always cry
as long as I am
ALIVE

Oh come to me my tears
stream down my face
upon the ground that is hard
soften it again
let me bring forth a new harvest

09/10/2004

Posted on 01/18/2005
Copyright © 2024 Mark Maxey