I am entitled to have thoughts like these
You cannot force me to believe something different
You can’t keep me locked away inside my mind
Damnit!!! You can’t keep doing this to me
I must get out and….
I don’t know….i just needs to leave
I know death is an answer that I have always sought but I am too afraid
I must beg you to let me go
I am begging for my soul
My soul is still alive even though my heart is dead
My mind? Well, yes it is still alive as well
But my mind has too many fucking thoughts and regrets that it can’t keep up with my soul
My hands cannot type fast enough or slow enough or just plain fucking enough for you!!!
I have too many regrets that you can’t fix
I am destined to die alone and battered and shattered into my own small box of hopelessness
Don’t you understand yet?
This is what I was born to do
THIS IS WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO!!!
I am here to help you all by not helping myself
I am broken between evil and good

Which do you think is here now?

Turn around……
Do you see me yet?
You can’t see what is not here
I will be leaving now but I need you all to know how much I cared
How much I needed all of your love
But you failed me
You took all that I needed
You left me with this keyboard and these empty thoughts and your lies
Truth is….i knew all along
I knew I was meant to die this way
The way doesn’t matter though it’s simply a passing of time one lifetime traded for another
One death equals one life
So have my death as long as I am left knowing there is hope in a child’s hand
As long as I am given the respect of believing that death is not the answer
Can you give me that?
Is this too much?

ARE YOU SCARED YET!!
Fear is the unknowing
Fear is the absence of love
Fear was the only thing keeping me here….

01/06/2005

Author's Note: Do not read too much into it. I am far beyond the suicide attempts now, though I have tried before. It was many years ago.

Posted on 01/07/2005
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