Once again it appears that I did not receive the memo
Nobody told me that my Christmas spirit is only supposed to last from the day after
Thanksgiving up to and including, but not exceeding December 25th
So I must apologize
for apparently I have broken some of the unwritten laws of Christmas
...
I do not spend the day after Thanksgiving
in the malls
buying a Christmas tree
putting up Christmas decorations
or playing Christmas music
I will not open a Christmas present before Christmas
so stop asking me if I want my present beforehand
and don’t even think about telling me to open it now
just because you can’t wait to see my reaction
Especially if it’s because you only have 10 days after date of purchase to return the gift if you don’t believe I will like it
because I didn’t tell you what I wanted

And I wouldn’t tell you what I wanted anyways

because it’s supposed to be the thought that counts
And NOT ...
the retail value of the gift
if the gift matches the interior decor of your residence
or if you actually have a use for the gift

But if you want a tip if you’re going to give me my gift ahead of time
at least let me know if it’s perishable
so I don’t leave one of those Hickory Farms meat & cheese gift packs beneath the
tree for a couple of weeks
Because when your cat won’t go near a Christmas tree covered with tinsel and has presents beneath it waiting to be scratched
then something is definitely wrong

Now ... if you don’t receive a present from me by Christmas
don’t be surprised
It’s just another one of those rules that I break
because I believe in the spirit of Christmas
and not in the deadline of Christmas
You see, the whole point behind the “spirit of Christmas”
is to find a time when one can’t help but feel happy for no apparent reason
Which is why I can honestly say that I believe I am an embodiment of Christmas
Because, just like Christmas...
my being honestly happy
often occurs only once a year
Except in years when the Red Sox come back from a 3-0 deficit to defeat the Yankees for the Division Title and go on to win the World Series for the 1st time in 86 years
...(In this instance, there’s a slight extension in the true happiness department)
Which is why I will celebrate Christmas when I feel like it
For on December 25th, everyone expects, no demands, their presents
it’s all part of the process of the end-of-the-year emotional extravaganza
You’re happy to be with the people you want to see for the holidays
You’re upset to be around those you don’t want to see
You’re happy to get the presents you wanted
(from your wish list which you made sure everyone knows about)
You’re upset when you don’t get the gifts you wanted
(from your wish list which you made sure everyone knows about)
You enjoy to take part in the expression...
“Eat, drink, and be merry”
You feel miserable the mornings after
eating, drinking, and being merry

Therein lies the recurring problem
... the expectations
Which ties in w/ the fact that I have a problem w/ expectations
such as ...
replying to RSVP’s on time
or
lying... if a woman asks me if I think she’s putting on weight
I remember when honesty & integrity meant something
I remember when a “White Christmas” was special
and a “Capitalism Christmas” was an expression only used during the Cold War era
So I say “Forget it”
I mean...
We all love getting presents
So if someone approaches you on say...
April 17th
4:15 P.M.
Says, “Merry Christmas”
Hands you a gift
And it’s something you always wanted
Are you going to stop and say,

“I’m sorry, it’s not Christmas, I can’t accept your gift”
I don’t think so.,..
So let me celebrate Christmas when I feel like it
and not just when “I’m supposed to”
Because if you want to be annoyingly happy, filled with joy, and act out of character
according to a schedule as set by a calendar, that’s fine
But if I feel like sharing joy and happiness
at any time for no apparent reason
Then let me
...isn’t that what the Spirit of Christmas is all about?

12/22/2004

Posted on 12/22/2004
Copyright © 2025 Chris D Lavigne