Due to legal council
this package contains the only present available which
meets the following criteria:
1) Creativity
2) is “appropriate for anyone”

However, without a specific definition of “appropriate for anyone”
an interpretation had to be made among the following:

1) pertaining to employees of the company, exclusively
2) (see #1) and anyone directly connected to said employees (i.e. family)
3) (see #2) and anyone, whom may have contact w/ the present, in connection to the household
of said employee (i.e. houseguest or employees)
4) any person of any age, sex, race, creed,religion, or financial status

After careful consideration, it has been determined that the best choice shall be choice #4

Therefore, by this decision, the following process of
elimination for inappropriate gifts was determined:

Access by small children shall eliminate:
electrical devices - which may cause indirect contact with a live non-GFCI receptacle outlet allowed per 2002 N.E.C. 210.30 Sec. (A) 1.3
sharp objects, direct - knives, machetes, pruning shears, chainsaws, etc...
sharp objects, indirect - i.e. glass objects, which, when broken, become sharp objects,direct
flammable objects - i.e. candles, oil lamps, aromatherapy/incense burners
objects, small-sized - any object small enough to be swallowed by a child
objects, large-sized - any object large enough to crush or maim a child

Access by legally-aged people with below average I.Q.’s
shall eliminate:
(see previous list ...and)
alcohol, tobacco, and firearms

All food products shall be eliminated...
due to possible unknown allergies which may result
in anaphylactic shock and/or death
or
possible violations of one's religious or personal observances - i.e. non
-vegan or non-Kosher items


Due to aspects of race, creed, sex, sexual preference,
and/or religion...

All other man made products or products of nature sold by man shall not be allowed to be used as presents

Therefore, your gift box is completely filled with the only gift which, at the present time, may be deemed appropriate for anyone
...
Your present is air
brought to you by the Politically Correct Holiday
Coalition...Enjoy

12/20/2004

Posted on 12/21/2004
Copyright © 2025 Chris D Lavigne