|
Memories
by Uriel TovarThe tribe sings me to sleep
As night turns to day
Bringing me back.
My father --
Chieftain and strong
Fierce warrior of the lope hills
Hawk eye and bear claw.
Mother--
Goddess of autumn-spring
Hands like velvet paws.
Feet like the wind
And beaver heart
I play with family
home and land
Until the fire descends on the great lake.
12/08/2004 Author's Note: i need some help shaping this one. any suggestions would be welcomed. i'm still not satisfied with it. i t doesn't seem as strong as it can be.
Posted on 12/08/2004
Copyright © 2024 Uriel Tovar
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 12/10/04 at 01:17 PM You certainly have caught the spirit of the tribal culture. Reads strong to me. "Hawk eye and bear claws" "velvet paws" and the whole last stanza a very descriptive and emotional as well. |
| Posted by Tom Goss on 12/10/04 at 05:14 PM Strong. I think you need a comma after "lope hills."
I thought about it, and I would remove the first stanza completely, as well as the "my" so the poem begins: "Father." I like it better that way, since the first stanza doesn't stand up to the others. |
| Posted by Ann Krischus on 01/15/05 at 12:17 AM i wish i could write like this. awesome work. |
| 
