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Harper MacCandless

by Melina Raven Maness Diebold

I dared to dream you

to create, to gleam you

from the love I thought we had between us

Alas, you're merely a wish

A wish so faintly conceived

and faintly held

Uterine tendrils could only hold so fast

when confronted

tainted, deceived

By the Adversary and his plaintiff puppet

Who at the atom's eye

brought half of you to me

Their tandem prayers

blaspemies unto the Lord

Unholy diatribes and pleadings for death, revile

And me I sat

with fingers crossed and palms kissing

holy hopes against unholy loathes

For you to live through me

So that nine months later

I could hold you, and you alone

safely in my arms

Alas it was not meant to be

my Sweet

my first-conceived

I felt you once and I felt you the last

I watched you ebb away

But in my heart

where you were first conceived

is where in peaceful rest your soul will

forever and without ending stay


Author's Note: I had a miscarriage and found balm in penning this. Joel left me as I miscarried. We were currently using herbs and other aids to conceive, proof as to how sudden this came upon me. He, to this day, has said nothing to me off my miscarriage. Not even concern that I needed to see a doctor. He made no semblance of emotion when I told him its name either. Harper MacCandless...I feel it's sufficiently unisex. Harps make me think of angels and that's what my baby is now, and MacCandless is a family surname I find whimsically melodious, so I feel the name is perfect.

Posted on 11/24/2004
Copyright © 2022 Melina Raven Maness Diebold

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Shonda Creemer on 01/21/05 at 12:26 AM

Thank you Melina for sharing this with me. I had a miscarriage 8 1/2 years ago at 9 weeks into the pregnancy. I will never forget that day as long as I live and I will never forget my first-conceived either. God bless you. ~ Shonda

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