higher than the moon, oh sinners (2nd Draft)
by Rachelle Howe
inveigled, she gazed into medusas eyes.
turned to stone, she would remain
a clay and mortar fixture:
the embodiment of lot's wife,
entombed in rock and rebellion.
for i've relinquished offerings
to the sun and asked
the moon to keep
the trespassing sign at bay.
she said, gladly,
as she shone through
the stain glass windows and
lifted the trees with barren hands.
i laid myself down,
laid down low,
laid these things
at the feet of so many
fallen angels, and they too
spit with the best.
i needed a chewing glass,
needed a glass jar,
needed the world to drink me in.
but she was an onion skinned lover,
and i was a machete mistake.
i failed, fulfilling a since-the-beginning
kissing her sweet lips one last time,
i turned and was consoled,
lost in the reverie.
(higher than the moon, oh sinners.
Author's Note: okay. i know, yes, you guys have read this already. lol. the original is in my "aiko's holes" folder. but i felt that it was weak in some areas and i wanted to re-write. originally it was an improv, which left me with very little room. but. i don't know if i took it in the right directions. frankly, i'm rather stumped. but i didn't want to post over the first draft. either way: up for review.
for the record: i *hate* editing my own poetry. but someone has to do it until i can afford a real editor. lol. oh, side thought. what's the trick to tabbing your pieces or formating them? i just realized i'm a dope and don't know how. HELP!
sub author's note: uber thanks to paul asbury, who was the original inspiration for this piece.
Posted on 10/05/2004
Copyright © 2022 Rachelle Howe
|Member Comments on this Poem|
|Posted by Ashok Sharda on 10/05/04 at 03:06 PM|
Well, I see the contrast between what is and what should be, never to be resolves since what should be seems to be too imposing and whatis, too paradoxical.
|Posted by Ginette T Belle on 10/05/04 at 03:18 PM|
wow rachelle, i love this! the second stanza is just beautiful with a rich flow to it and phrases like "onion skinned lover" make it truly special and unique...great piece...
|Posted by Max Bouillet on 10/06/04 at 03:49 AM|
Themes of religion and glass. The fragile, easily broken, and the religious.... interesting association. Once broken, the pieces are sharp and cause damage. Makes the soul bleed. Cool images that really dose up the reader with a mix of pain and numbness. Read ye sinners. Read.
|Posted by Kristine Briese on 10/08/04 at 12:49 AM|
Fluid and mobile; as always I'm swept away by your images.