i was always finding reasons to put things
in my mouth walking home from your house
alone wishing i was 10 years older or taller
or something more or a little less than myself.
and i always ate honeysuckle whole those days,
not bothering to pull the delicate string so very
afraid of learning anything new
and this had nothing & this had everything
to do with you.

and when the first fever came, it took my
voice away, lying on the bed soaked and trying
to choke out your name but had i succeeded
you wouldn't have heard, you were too far away
even when you visited, you were
too far away & that doctor never once said

everything would be ok.

still, you brought flowers but never took the time
to stand too close. always guilty with excuses
"have to get back home" but i understood perfectly
how these things go, using all my strength to perch
myself up to look out the window
after you.

wanting to run
after you.

and when the next fever came it was no big surprise
& that it would never break was written in the doctor's
eyes but i was not afraid of anything, only filled with regret.
& for three sleepless nights in a row i cried into my pillow
and prayed that you would never forget,
never forget
anything.

even though i myself had forgotten so much already.

the doctor paid his last visit on a wednesday his only
medicine being the simple yet final words "just sleep now".
& i wanted to go to you to confess everything i felt
but i didn't know where to look and i didn't know how. i hadn't
seen you in days and i had lost all feeling in my hands
and in my legs and i knew that unfortunately there just
wasn't a way and so i prayed that you would come to me.
i prayed and i prayed

but you never came and i, down to my last breath could
no longer remember your name ...

i was always finding reasons to put things
in my mouth walking home from your house
alone wishing i was 10 years older or taller
or something more or a little less than myself.
and i always ate honeysuckle whole those days,
not bothering to pull the delicate string so
very afraid of learning anything new
and this had nothing & this had everything
to do with you.

09/18/2004

Posted on 09/18/2004
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