because he listens to me
when you don't, my dreams
run to him while you are sleeping or
pretending to while i am teetering
half-awake, half alive

wanting to leave your bedside and
go to him but knowing

knowing...

and i tell you it is september now but you
will not look away from me. and i say
soon it will be so cold so cold outside

but you will not stop touching me.

my heart is not yours anymore but you
won't look out the window, you refuse
to find your way to the door. and i

feel so small, watching the road for
signs of him. waiting patiently, always

waiting...

for him to find me wanting but
not alone. never alone. you are always
here breathing

down my neck and down my thighs
twisting every single goodbye i can
muster into submission, my eyes closed

with images of him playing on my eyelids.
your hands playing around my throat.
one wrong move and everything could change

everything could come tumbling down.

i'm not very good at being owned. my stomach
growls for a freedom only he knows as you
build fences around this to keep me in using

my desires to smother me

parting my legs, my lips, finding any way to
get inside. but i am so tired of throwing my fists
at shadows, of cursing you under my breath.

i am so tired of coming.

i am so very tired of opening my eyes
and seeing you instead of
him.

09/13/2004

Author's Note: long. unfinished. i don't like it. the end.

Posted on 09/13/2004
Copyright © 2025 Olivia Weinkein