Posted by Michelle Angelini on 09/13/04 at 04:30 PM Tom I love this poem. Yes, multilayered, like every other line could be a poem in itself, just as every line is, so potentially, more than one poem is here. One suggestion...the dots separate the first part of the poem from the second too much and the continuity between them appears important. Maybe delete the dots and enjamb, the line "How does a world unfurl?" like this "How does a world/unfurl?" leaving the first part with the previous stanza and the word unfurl on a line alone as the first line of the next one. JMHO Good read & work! |