How many days
Swept past in the wind
That I did not pray?
Oh my Father, how I must have grieved
Your holy, merciful spirit!
Wanton child of heaven,
Thoughtlessly frolicking
In ripened field of days;
Iniquitous conscience,
Careless songs at the top of my lungs
As if I might have a voice forever.

How many nights did I lay my head down?
Supplications of false peace
Whispered into chaotic eddy,
A slow pot, ready to poach my soul.
How many curtains fell upon me
Without the names of my children,
My husband, on my lips?
But You have not forgotten them or me,
Ever faithful reflection of my faithlessness!
Oh my Father, drenched eyes
Cannot bring back the years,
And yet those tears fall on my heart
Finding fertile soil.

I can only start where I am,
Having failed the other races;
Out of breath
Out of hope
Nearly out of time.
But I will finish!
In training,
I am yet aged,
Burning optimism
Until faith takes over;
Obedience, my second wind -
Steeling myself for the ultimate commitment to-
Final summation of breath,
Conclusion of the journey -
To hear the only words newly longed for:
“Well done thou good and faithful servant.”

09/03/2004

Author's Note: It does no good to beat myself up.

Posted on 09/03/2004
Copyright © 2024 Alison McKenzie